Tuesday, February 2, 2010

February...quite contrary

How do you survive tiredness?
Lately I really feel sleep-deprived and still I can't sleep during the day, I am too nervous and keep thinking and I don't get things done, especially after Bastian's small accident - his pretty upper lip got cut and he had a stitch so I kind of guard him - I feel absolutely unable to do stuff AND keep an eye on him.
He doesn't sleep too well either, and sometimes he's unhappy so that I am not sure if his lip hurts or he's just tired...
No, there is no way I can change, when people I love suffer, then I suffer too.

It has always been that way and now I am too old to re-program my brain.

Then there is this thing that I finally got used to life here and half year is gone, and when I see in the news that Berlin had a specially cold winter I just don't want to go back, but move to a warmer place. Plus, I don't feel like I belong anywhere and anyone, as if home was the place I want to go away from, not the place I want to live. A safe harbor, but...you don't want to live in a harbor I guess.

Maybe Carlotta is kind of home-sick, mostly because she doesn't like the house we're living in: it's a pretty house, but I agree, it's not our stuff, so she wants to sleep in her bed, to open our drawers, to play with her inflatable horse Rocco...
I miss our bed too - that's one thing I hate when being away from home: beds. American beds are too high and I LOVE low beds.
Yeah, these are small things and bed is not what it is about, it is the temporary that bothers me. It's not like Ralph's approach to that, probably: he's got a work related project, some dead-lines but when he'll be back he will keep working on that; for us as a family it's a bubble-like experience that might lead to nothing - of course we get some new friends, new experiences and it is great to be here all together, but then?
Then we might have to start over again. And miss the friends here.

Guess I will eat some more of the chocolate waffles I bought only for me myself and I.


dede said...

momentaccio? capita, coraggio. ti abbraccio

Mari said...

la mancanza di sonno é brutale...