Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Thoughts about Pregnancy

No revelation here: I am not thinking about having a third child!!!

A dear friend of mine on LI is going to have her second child; the due date is around mid-January, which means I am not going to see the baby.

This is triggering a lot of feelings of course.
In the first place because I know how a pregnant woman feels about babies: suddenly there is nothing more important, more beautiful, more precious and delicate than your child, even if it's just as big as a tennis ball and even if it makes you feel sick from morning to evening or tired as if constantly jet-legged. Or too sensitive or just freaked out. Even pathetic at times.

When a good friend has a baby, I respect her need for rest but I am very glad to get to see her and the new-born and maybe do something together that might help her feel not too lonely without making her too tired.
It's a very intense and very emotional phase of a woman's life.

And I AM NOT GOING TO BE THERE.

It is clear to me that - at least in this life - my timing isn't too good.
That if I had taken that train or not have waited for that damn bus or just hadn't done laundry on that very day, it wouldn't be so hard to get used to the thought of losing another friend.

Is there a place I miss, I wonder sometimes.
Well, no. And I can't say I would live somewhere forever, not even Berlin. This was supposed to be temporary, in my mind it still is.
But temporary is - be it a couple of months or some year - a fist in the stomach when it comes to say goodbye.

6 comments:

matthew houskeeper said...

From about age 15 to 30, I moved around a lot. Some of it was a great experience, but the hardest part was certainly getting to know people well, and then never seeing them again.

Mari said...

Maybe I should stop being selfish and be happy for my friend...but sometimes I get caught in sad thoughts - also these rainy days don't help!

matthew houskeeper said...

I don't think it is selfish. It's a legitimate emotion.

Mari said...

I had just hoped I could grow out of that, but it doesn't seem to happen and I'll die an old pathetic lady.

matthew houskeeper said...

Pathetic???? Never!!! You and I need to have a good talk.

Mari said...

I came up with this: my self-irony would like to kick my butt, so it feels a lot better!!!